Tuesday, March 17, 2009

+ the time has come to let your demons out +

[one] if anyone has kleenex coupons let me know, because i'm going through them at a rate of one pack per hour and a half. dude i'm not kidding! haha.

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[two] i have been taking a sabbatical week (i may extend it) from plans / people / commitments / appointments / meetings / etc. i've desperately missed god, being alone, and being able to let my silly head process things. joshua said on sunday that age has nothing to do with maturity, reflection does. and oh, how i've missed the quiet. it's been amazing, amazing, amazing. it's changing the way i will live the rest of my life, no beans about it. (is that a phrase? i swear it is.)

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[three] i've always been semi-obsessed with the concept of hands. which is odd because my sister is flat out obsessed with hands. i don't know where this comes from, but this morning i stumbled upon something i'd written exactly a year ago (march 2008):

there is no other desire of mine than to have steady hands; a certainty absent of hesitation. clarity and conviction that leaves no room for disbelief or deception. tired of hands that shake, grasping the bar of grace that is low enough even for the one not strong enough to stand. grace provides all it requires - giving steady hands to any that asks.

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[four] my joy is back. i'm sorry let me re-phrase that. MY JOY IS BACK!!!! it's quite possible that dayquil is heightening this, but last tuesday night, i began the process of breaking whatever it is that has been over me for the last year. on sunday, it completely broke. i am new, i am alive, and i am free. [little package of seven thousand exclamation points goes here!] there are plenty of shallow explanations for how my ridiculous joy and happiness are a result of current situations (lots of dayquil, it's been sunny for the first time in forever, i'm able to easily pay my bills, i have amazing new friends) - but there are also plenty of legitimate reasons for me to be very upset and discouraged right now (i am horribly sick, my brand new car was just hit, car insurance is difficult right now, my sister is not speaking to me, my ex yelled and cussed at me to my face the other night, etc). and so, i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my returned joy is something entirely outside of my circumstances! praise god: i have my heart back.

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[five] i'm actually kind of really liking this photo of kristin from last week's shoot:

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[six] the title today, "the time has come to let your demons out" is from a deas vail song. i really like it. a lot. thats all i have to say. :P and can i also say that i really miss summer nights at the basement, newport, and skullys hanging out with all the little crazy highschool hardcore-screamo-listening american apparel addicts? i really might have to do that again this summer. fo' real.

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