+ love, nature, + i hate the all american rejects. +

keep your love of nature, for that is the true way to understand art more and more.[vangogh]

- - -





- - -

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still probably working
At a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

Now where's your picket fence, love?
And where's that shiny car?
And did it ever get you far?
You never seemed so tense, love
I've never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?

And truth be told, I miss you
And truth be told, I'm lying

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool, you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
I hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself,
"Where did it all go wrong?"
But the list goes on and on (and on and on and on)
And truth be told, I miss you
And truth be told, I'm lying

[allamericanrejects/givesyouhell]

+ happy june first, part 2. +

i just ordered this book today.


andnowiwant

5: where will you be in five years?


a year of mornings: 3191 miles apart

---

you come from parents' wanton
a childhood rough and rotten
i come from wealth and beauty
untouched by work or duty

and oh, my love, my love.
and oh, my love, my love.
we both go down together.

i found you, a tattooed tramp
a dirty daughter from the labor camps
i laid you down in the grass of the clearing
you wept, but your soul was willing

and oh, my love. my love.
and oh, my love. my love.
we both go down together.

+ home again +

i had a lovely time in naples. a good friend, warm weather, beautiful beaches, and new shopping = happy self.

- - -

i've been hiding in your room
you've been standing alone in the dark
i could spell it out for you
but we're both scared to speak the truth
but what would you do for love?
yeah what would you do for love?
and what would you do for love?
i'd open my eyes for love.

- - -

i want this book. someone please buy it for me?



- - -

we're made out of blood and rust
looking for someone to trust
without a fight
i think that you came too soon

- - -

i also want this wall.

+ lady blue +

she goes, shes goes with her hollow bones, she goes
every year she's back for the season
i have to keep my windows closed
i couldn't shake what my mother warned me of
try to keep me safe between the pews
i stepped away, saw that Love was outside
she wore a name, just a different one

she goes, shes goes with her hollow bones
he's gettin pretty when keepin it pretty
he's gettin pretty old
he's getting pretty old

round and round we go, we go around
round and round we go, she wont stay dead
stay down

there's an awful lot of holes i gotta dig
when i know you're gonna climb back up again
stay dead, stay down

stay dead, stay down
stay across the sea,
but i know where you'll be
when i look around and round we go, we go around
round and round we go, she won't stay dead,
stay down

radio roar, dancing on the bar
oh oh, you know you are
you call em' to the door, hookem' in the jaw
just for tonight, right?

but maybe when you're bored with the easy part
and when i can't afford another empty touch
maybe then we'll board our ships with a couple crashing hearts

round and round we go, we go around
round and round we go, she stay dead, stay down
round and round we go, we go around
round and round we go,
get out of my head, stay in the ground
she won't get out of my head, stay in the ground
stay down, stay dead.

+ sunday +

I'm tired of trying to sum up myself in declarative statements. I cannot sum myself up. The only thing I can say about who I am is that I am in love with God and want desperately to be loved."

- lydiakind

- - -

this song changes me everytime i listen to it. go listen.

come close, listen to the story
about a love, more faithful than the morning
the father gave his only son, just to save us

the earth was shaking in the dark
all creation felt the father's broken heart
tears were filling heaven's eyes
the day that true love died
the day that true love died

when blood and water hit the ground
walls we couldn't move came crashing down
we were free and made alive
the day that true love died
the day that true love died

search your heart, you know you can't deny it
come on, lose your life just so you can find it
the father gave his only son just to save us.

- - -

i have seen a part of my god's heart that i have not seen or understood until today.

compassion and love are a weight too heavy for me to bear.

i cannot fathom the depths of hurt i or his children have caused.

praise, eternal


because he carries what i cannot.

- - -

+ let me out +

- - -

i've been sitting here for an hour and a half trying to determine what is so horribly wrong with me.

i found the word: stifled.

secondary words: colorless. bland. expected. stationary. mechanistic.

- - -

so cute i can't handle it.



- - -

if i fill my head with beautiful things, maybe they'll come back out of my fingertips.

- - -


i decided i needed a present, and bought myself new staedtler lumocolor pens. i'm not terribly sure i love them yet. the ink is heavy. but, i know i do not dislike them; i cannot dislike anything that produces color. :]

i'm feeling the need for a sabbatical again...can someone take me back to the west coast to people-watch for a few days? i won't make a sound. i'll just sit on the curb with my tea and sketchbook. i am starving for people that make me stare at them. again, will you please make me stare at you? i'm begging. [ run in the front like you said - i'm sad i'll miss it send it back in photographs - and i could use a vacation myself - my eyes are bored -DEARANDTHEHEADLIGHTS ]

+ balance problems+

- - -

balance problems. my new favorite.

your branches are growing strong, absorbing the praise from above

but the roots that hold your weight are slowly breaking up

now you dont mind the heat, or lack of rain in the clouds

but soon enough youll dry up and return to the ground



the desert wind has betrayed you; it seems youre all alone

the nights are cold and now you wish that you had known

the cactus life is tough; but not so much when friends pull through

so next time dont forget them and they wont forget about you



respect fades, the heat creates some distance between us

shelter greed with spines; we see your true self underneath



i can see the wall of rain

across the open desert plain

and you wont fight unless you know you can win



dig yourself into the ground

and search for drops; the rushing sound

of air above declares the changing of winds

- cactus life, balance problems.

+ non sequitur +

today is scattered.

- - -

the majority of us live somewhere between where we’re going and where we were, without ever Being in the middle, which is here.

- - -

last night, i came home to a post-it note on my backdoor. it was from my mom, which was odd enough, and this is what it read:

"hi lauren, i had a doctor's appointment at osu med center so i thought i would stop by. i miss my lauren and i wish i knew how to love her. mom"

this is not to rant about my mom. i won't give any background other than i rarely speak to my parents and they live half an hour from me. they have disowned me as their daughter in the name of God for my passion to live a greater Love than what Right and Wrong allow. that explanation leaves much to be desired; if you don't know and want to, just ask.

this morning as i left for work, it struck me in reassurance that the christianity i have left has failed them. after 47 years of following the greatest Lover that has ever existed, and having the opportunity to be lavishly loved by Him, my mother still does not know how to love an individual (much less her daughter - even raw science is in her favor). i will humbly yet confidently make the assertion that the christianity she lives has failed her.

my heart breaks for her.

i take this as a challenge. to love her as God loves her.

- - -

Is your god really God?
Is my god really God?
I think our god isn't God
If he fits inside our heads

Is your love really love?
Is my love really love?
I think our love isn't love
Unless it's love to the end

+ bloody as hell +

- - -

"if you sat alone in a room for the rest of your life, just to talk to me, that would be Enough." - god.

- - -

this is a confession of my consuming desire to Do and Be more.

when jesus said, "it is finished," he meant it.

this is out of my hands, forever.

- - -



[kristinworchphotoshootsomersetohio]

- - -

if i make it to heaven
i may be as bloody as hell.
would you still take me?
i'm afraid that you might say,
"depart from me, i never knew you."

i'm in the wrong body.
i'm in the wrong body.
i'm in the wrong body.
i must have stumbled in.

all the love i want to give,
gets caught between every rib.
what does that make me?
i have good intentions,
but no exit for them to come out right through.

when i make it
to heaven
i will be as bloody as hell

- - -