Tuesday, June 16, 2009

+ today is unfortunate because +

i don't have the time to be obsessed with what i am fascinated by. and it's your fault.


i absolutely despise white middle class america, and i've realized that's what i'm surrounded by.


i'm losing irreplaceable parts of my life because you are so despicably selfish.


today i would trade my heart for being as shallow and spoiled as her, because i need a break.


i never genuinely complain, because everytime i have, it's made things a thousand times worse. ps. screw boys.


i am so god-awful at settling, and i need to get better at it, because i have to right now.


i want things that don't exist.


i'm pretty sure i made the wrong decision that one time.


i think i ended up a big fish in a little pond, and i fucking hate little ponds.


i don't care if you say i'm sorry; you can't fix what you don't understand.


i'm about 97.4% sure i will never be home.


dad, if you find this, don't even bother with the psychoanalysis. and stop assuming you know everything. because you don't.


i have every right to be bitter some days, and i have got to stop caring that you think i don't.


i was born in the wrong century in the wrong country.


no one has ever really known me, and only one person ever really tried.


within 12 hours i will want to delete this, but i won't, because i need a reminder than i'm human, and just as messed up as the next.


i can't for the life of me figure out why i live where i do.


i need 48 hours to act entirely out of character before i lose my mind.


your life is so easy that i just can't take you seriously.


i'm not stupid enough to do what i want.

5 comments:

lydiakind said...

i'm in love with you.

Ryan said...

You should be this honest more often.

Lauren S. said...

lauren,

SMILE.
- L

caramelsweetie said...

So even tho i don't know exactly what you were talking about, actually i probably have no idea what you were talking about, and im not going to pretend like i do...i love you. i really do. and i don't wanna sit here and be..oh whats the word...sympathetic? but rather empathy bc i swear i have been there...to an extent. I feel as if i can relate to that so much sometimes. anyway. i just wanted you to know i was thinking ab you, and actually i think ab you often (no homo haha). so you ever need a weekend away...or just wanna get out of that god awful city. ur welcome at my place anytime. and hopefully you don't feel sick next time. ps i'm moving like 5 miles away from where i live now and i now have a guest room!! yaaay. soo i hope to hear from you soon. you didn't respond to my last email but i didn't want to bug you. love you girlie.

Miss Courtney said...

best post ive read in a long time.

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