Tuesday, April 21, 2009

+ a study on brokenness, part one +

We are objects of the greatest pain, yet insist on muting our heart-wrenching cries. We do not voice our plea for comfort, we do not implore for consolation, we do not beg for solace. It is numbing, debilitating, and disabling, and we stubbornly march on, idiotically expecting the cracks and tears to hold water, and the shattered bones and hearts to hold our weight.

We call ourselves a broken people, yet do we understand what we are admitting to? I cannot help but experience it unceasingly, yet I seldom comprehend the depths of brokenness. More often than not, I admit to being broken as an excuse for not being whole, instead of as a despairing confession of utter helplessness and paralyzing hurt. I readily call myself broken; anyone who has seen the past few years of my life knows I couldn’t be anything but this. Every once in awhile, those that catch glimpses of my heart in its rawness will witness a rightly warranted desperation; this offers undeniable proof of my true state, even if against my will.

We all cry out, and we all admit to our brokenness, yet I find that we still deny just how absolute and vindicating the state of being broken truly is. We are still uneasy to justify acting out of brokenness; so hesitant to allow ourselves to believe that our mistakes and emotional instability are compassionately acquitted by the intensity of brokenness. We almost comically attempt to mitigate the severity of brokenness, not realizing that broken is broken. Simply put, I can come to terms with being broken yet I persistantly expect myself to act out of wholeness.

In light of all this, my hypothesis: we do not accurately grasp the totality of Broken.

- - -

Bro⋅ken [broh-kuhn]

1. Reduced to fragments.
2. Ruptured; torn; fractured.
3. Not functioning properly; out of working order.
4. Incomplete.
5. Weakened in strength, spirit.
6. Lacerated; wounded.
7. Reduced.
8. Forcibly destroyed.
9. Spoken in a halting or fragmentary manner, as under emotional strain.
10. Disunited; divided.
11. Rough; irregular.
12. Ruined; bankrupt.
13. Smashed, split, or divided into parts violently.
14. Ignored.
15. Dissolved or annulled.
16. Destroyed regularity, continuity, or arrangement.
17. Having had a part stolen or removed.
18. Disabled; destroyed.
19. Overcome or worn down in spirit or strength.
20. Caused to yield under extreme pressure or torture.
21. Impaired; weakened.
22. Trained away from the natural state.
23. Shattered.
24. Ended ubruptly.
25. Inoperative; malfunctioned.
26. Detached; separated; disassociated.
27. Overwhelmed.
28. Value dropped sharply and considerably.
29. Collapsed; breakdown.
30. Severed prematurely.
31. Crushed.
32. Ripped; torn; halved.
33. Forcibly separated into pieces; pierced.
34. Flawed.
35. To give up.
36. Rendered useless.
37. Failed; unusable; of no value or worth.
38. Split into lesser parts.
39. Weak.
40. Helpless.

1 comment:

T. Matt Sanders said...

Very well written, could not have been put better.

Post a Comment

i love your comments. it's nice to know you read and care, so leave me one and i'll do my best to say hello.

i always want to know who is reading my blog, so i can browse yours.

love love.