+ saying things that need to be said +

This post is for my brother, Kevin. I've been spending so much time lately reminding the whole world to love more, and I don't want to miss out on the love I personally need to get out in the open. :)

There are very few people that you can be 100% yourself around, swinging wildly back and forth from sobbing with laughter from years old inside jokes to somber life confessions, and then right back to more laughter triggered by something communicated just by your eyes. Kevin is one of these people for me, and I love him dearly.

Kevin: There is nothing I treasure more than you. Your friendship and brotherhood and heart are three things absolutely invaluable to me. You can consider yourself one of my closest friends, and nothing makes me more excited than to anticipate having this with you for the rest of our lives. I have more fun with you than with any other guy I know. I love how outrageously excited you are to see me every single time; there are few feelings better than knowing your presence is truly wanted. I am so proud of you for your diligence, your faith, your excitement, your sense of humor, your desire to be the best that you can, your generosity that puts everyone to shame, and your love for others. I have prayed one thing for you, consistently, and that is that you would seek Love over all else. Seeing that prayer be answered brings me so much happiness.

Watching the way you have treated past girlfriends constantly challenges and reminds me to never settle; I have yet to meet someone that treats his girl as well as you do. I notice every single time you sacrifice something for me, hold a door open for me, protect me from something, or go out of your way to make me laugh. The wisdom that comes out of your mouth when you seek God never fails to surprise me and bless me. I have witnessed the love of Jesus in you, and I wish there were words to explain how thankful I am for how you have loved me. You have kept my head above water many, many times. I have also witnessed an supernatural humility in you as you have sought to apologize and reconcile relationships with your friends; you will never know how much I respect you for this.

You have had life harder than most for an 18 year old, and yet you are still one of the happiest people I know. I hate watching the downswings, when you feel like giving up, and feel as though you cannot see any reward for your hard work. I can see it. It is one of the most painful things to watch for me, and I would give anything for your daily life to be easier for you. Please know that I help you as much as I can. You are resilient. Remember that. Never forget that your worth comes from who you are, and not just what you do. I have watched you grow stronger and wiser and more balanced over the last several months, and I am so proud of you for this. I respect you for your overwhelming desire and effort to be a good man. You have an incredible heart, and I consider you as one of my greatest gifts - life without you is something I can't imagine.

Love love love!

- Big Sis

+ join the love bomb team. NOW. +

Alright, everyone. The time has come.

For the last several months I have been (somewhat) holding my tongue about a new project I am very, very excited to be a part of. And I want ALL of you guys to participate.

I have been working with Nate at ItStartsWith.Us on the Love Bomb project, and this week is the big release. The concept is simple. We change the lives of those desperately needing hope, love, care, & encouragement - together, once a week, for five minutes.

We are all busy, I know this. But the next time someone asks you what you're doing with your life, I bet your answer isn't "cleaning up," "going grocery shopping" or "sitting at a desk." I know that all of you want something More.

A homeless man asked me a couple days ago what my life objective was, and without hesitation I replied, "to love people." It's taken me a long time to get here. To the place where that is my default answer, where it comes naturally. Yes I want to get married, yes I want to live where I want to live, there are activities and careers that I dream about. But what do I want to do with my life? Love people.

And it's a genuine fight to fit what you're doing with your life into your daily routine.

This is why I'm pouring a good chunk of every day into Love Bomb, and why I am the new Team Leader for the project. I want to help you fit what you truly care about into your daily or weekly routine. So please, put your name and email into the little box below, and every week when you get the email linking you to someone who desperately needs to be reminded that that love is real, take 5 minutes to do something about it. I want to see all of you grow into the place where you are content to simply respond, "I want to love people" when you are asked what you're doing with your life.

Come on guys, you are bloggers. This is what we do. We comment to show our love.

website | @dropalovebomb

Follow us on Tumblr, on Twitter, and subscribe below to the once-a-week mission emails.

And welcome to the Love Bomb Team. :)

- lauren xoxo
@laurenlankford

+ simple update +

i've been gaining clarity lately.

i've felt like i'm running my life through a sieve. it's a good thing.

the blogging has been suffering; my hands have been redirected to what i can feel and touch.

what i've been doing:

+ wearing significantly more white
+ loving american apparel's new nail polish
+ buying more michael kors wedges
+ having a passionate love affair with tumblr
+ working on lovebomb; excited for it's release
+ prepping for a photo exhibit
+ listening to the postal service
+ working on giving the 10% found between 90 and 100
+ reading a book that has revolutionized my life
+ wading through rivers and creeks
+ getting excited for daytona beach, and chicago.
+ getting my heart centered
+ wishing that madewell was in columbus
+ remembering who i am

+ i have won. +

I am protected; guarded; covered.
He is faithful to be mine.
Get your twisting hands away from me,
send your wolves away.
I am the light you are drawn to
and it is the light that will defeat you.
You dim my sight and you escalate my senses to fear.
You taunt me, taking even the simplest choices from me.
Towards you, or away from you?
To fight? Without knowing what this is?
Are you coming for me, or only for those I love?
But then I see;
I am the light, the light you were drawn to.
What saves me is what beckons death.
I am paralyzed by what I am;
what gives me away, what I cannot shake.
It takes your own shape,
yet you seek to circle and threaten to kill.
I have always run;
wearer of the laurels, victorious one.
Daughter that wins the race.
But this I cannot outrun,
this I cannot escape.
And so I am protected; guarded; covered.
I have a shield of faith,
my feet have been anchored;
shoes of peace.
Get your hands away from me,
send your wolves back into the trees;
like a coward you come in my sleep.
I am protected; guarded; covered;
I have won.

+ blind. +

it is better to be blind and to stand alone in one place
than to make out a blurry goal in front of you
and stumble madly and wildly towards it
clawing at everything that seems in your way

for what do you do
when your legs give out where the goal should have been
and you realize it was nothing at all
and your sight is still limited to the Before
and now your eyes are locked on the bites and scratches you barely knew
you were leaving

what do you do
when you realize the prize is given
only when everyone makes it
but that no one ever explained the rules

i do not know.

+ see. +

i am too transient.
transparent. translucent. adaptable. influenced.
i am what i see.
i follow my eyes. they change everything. everything changes me.
i can promise nothing;
water promises nothing.
what could i promise?
what could i swear to be? what could i guarantee? what could i fill?
i am what i see;
i could never give you my eyes.
glass, cities, oceans, distance, galaxies, shadows, coffee, wires, that one time, vacant, skies, constraint, freedom, barefoot, yesterday, tomorrow, one day, never, forsythia, dreams, smokey, clean.
all these things i become;
all these things making me slip, slip, slip.
it should have been
part, whole; whole forever.
instead i am
whole, part; part forever.
it isn’t that you want to keep me as i am;
it is that i am what i see.

+ how summer feels so far +

"In that day," declares the Lord,
"I will break the weight off your neck and will tear off your bonds;
no longer will anyone enslave you.
Instead, you will serve the Lord your God.

So do not fear, my child, and do not be dismayed," declares the Lord,
"I will surely save you out of a distant place.
You will again have peace and security, and no one will make you afraid.
I am with you and will save you," declares the Lord.

"Your wound is incurable, your injury beyond healing.
There is no one to fight in your behalf, no remedy for your pain.
Everyone has forgotten you; they care nothing for you.
But I will restore to you health and heal your wounds," declares the Lord,
"because you are called an outcast; because for you, no one cares.

And so, you will be mine, and I will be yours." [Jeremiah 30]

---

this week's random facts: baby animals at the zoo make my life worth living. i have an open love affair with warm weather. i've never been prouder of anyone in my life than i am of my brother kevin. i have the best friends in the world. they are irreplaceable. lady gaga has been 70% of my earspace lately. i wish kinkos would go out of business because they suck. i'd be fine wearing jeans and white t-shirts for the rest of my life. jesus has changed everything. i want pastel colored nailpolish. i'm excited to shoot this summer. i feel like my life started a month and a half ago; hello wonder. i miss acrylics. i found peace. june 1, 2010 was ten years ago.