Wednesday, February 8, 2012

You Can't.

For whatever you are going through today, whatever makes you say, "I can't _____."

Know that you are right. You can't.

You can't stop thinking about your weight. You can't just "know" that you are beautiful. You can't stop sleeping with your boyfriend. You can't stop watching pornography. You can't make enough money to pay your bills. You can't get out of bed and face that person today. You can't make it through this breakup. You can't make it through this divorce. You can't overcome your depression. You can't.

There is no solution, no formula, no magic number or word or "thing" that can move you from "I can't" to "I can and I did...now look how far I've come!!"

And yet we all know someone who did. We do know someone who isn't binging or purging anymore. We do know someone who is abundantly full of life without sex being part of the equation. We do know someone who is sober from pornography for 2 years. We do know someone who paid rent last month when it wasn't possible. We do know someone who made it through a break-up worse than this one and is now in the best place of her life. We do know someone who is divorced and still fulfilled in their single life. We do know someone who has overcome severe depression and extreme grief, and now knows joy and contentment and peace.

So what happened? What happened when "they couldn't _______."

Christ moved.

These are not physical battles against our bodies, our beauty, our eyes, our skin, our genitals, our brain, our blood-pumping hearts. These are battles of the soul, where an enemy is daily waging war against our value, our peace, our worth, our contentment, our comfort, our belonging, our love, and our LIFE.

What you don't need is world-acknowledgement that you are the most beautiful woman on the earth. You need the heart-belief that you are created to be beautiful and have inherent value despite what just-as-broken people may tell you.

What you don't need is to white-knuckle it against sex and pornography. You need the heart-belief that you are not alone and that you are deeply truly loved, and that your Father is proud that you are his child, despite how it feels.

What you don't need is one more person telling you to just be happy because you have a pretty good life and you should be ashamed of your unwarranted depression. You need the heart-belief that your spirit was covered in dirt and pain before Christ himself fought the greatest war of all time to present your spirit before God as pure, complete, and wholly loved, even if you can't get out of bed. And that God will never see you as anything other and pure and valuable. He will wait for you.

What you don't need is one more sermon on how pre-marital sex is sinful. You need the heart-belief that Jesus hasn't left your side a single moment and is willing to do a supernatural work in you the very moment you begin to slip into behavior you feel you cannot control. You need the heart-belief that God never forgot about you, and that there is a man who will love who you are more than he will love sleeping with you.

This is not a physical war, and there is no physical solution. This is a war for your heart, because there is nothing in all of existence that is more valuable to God than the heart of a man or woman. This is a war that we cannot win unless we let Jesus fight it for us.

I was the girl who couldn't stop sleeping with her boyfriend. I was the girl in the ER having a panic attack that she couldn't control. I was the girl who thought the earth would swallow me up because the break-up was too painful. I was the girl who skipped meals and hated to see herself in the mirror every morning. I was the girl who watched pornography because I had no other way to cope. I was the girl who couldn't get out of bed and was numb from the anti-depressants. I was the girl who lost her family and could not see a future for myself because the grief was too heavy.

I was the girl who couldn't.

And I am the girl that learned that Jesus could.

31 comments:

Lindsey Goodall said...

Please keep pouring this stuff out.

Please and thank you!

Sarah said...

EXACTLY. Wonderful. This is how my heart feels.

"What you don't need is one more person telling you to just be happy because you have a pretty good life and you should be ashamed of your unwarranted depression. You need the heart-belief that your spirit was covered in dirt and pain before Christ himself fought the greatest war of all time to present your spirit before God as pure, complete, and wholly loved, even if you can't get out of bed. And that God will never see you as anything other and pure and valuable. He will wait for you."

Thanks

Anonymous said...

I really needed this today. So thanks. <3

@carospellman said...

just what i needed to hear

Jessica said...

what a beautiful, reassuring promise.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lauren. Thank you so much for this. I have been in the process of surviving a break-up and having to deal with seeing the person every week. I've felt I can't make it. But how relieving it was when I realized this.... I really can't, which opens a space for Him to do it for me, in me.
On the days it gets harder and it seems the heartbreak is going to last foverer, I find hope in the hope that is Jesus. I do not know why the story has been written this way, but now I realize now He is the warranty of my wellbeing. He does everything for my good and His glory.
It is wonderful I don't depend on my own strength to overcome this. I depend on the power and love of the One who raised from the dead to change the story of the whole humanity. I can do this ONLY through Him. !

ps Thanks for sharing your story, it reminds me I'll be fine.

Amanda said...

AMAZING!

Thank you for this.

I am sharing it with my blog readers today, in hopes that it will bless others the way it blessed me this morning.

CHRIST CAN! CHRIST DID!

Leslie L said...

these are amazing, life-giving words. words that the world needs. words that I needed today.

Mia said...

Something to add- you can because of Christ gives you a crutch. He will be there, no matter what. You will fall, you will trip and lie and sin, but He is faithful when we are faithless. 2 Timothy 2:13

I needed to hear that today. I began today as my "can" day, and this just reaffirmed my decision.

Sarah said...

So, so SO good, Lauren. Simple and powerful and beautiful.

Nat said...

Oh my goodness. I don't know why you wrote this, other than the fact that this is what I needed to hear today! And I know Jesus moved you to write it for everyone else on the same boat as me right now. I have been getting nothing but encouragement after encouragement these past couple of days, as I face some sort of depression that like you said, can't get me out of bed. I have been seeking God & he's been blessing me with words like this. Thank you soo much for posting this, Lauren! I love to read your blogs & look up to you. I wanna get there, to the point you talk about in the ending of this blog. Please pray for me!

brittany @faithinbetween said...

"What you don't need is one more sermon on how pre-marital sex is sinful. You need the heart-belief that Jesus hasn't left your side a single moment and is willing to do a supernatural work in you the very moment you begin to slip into behavior you feel you cannot control." AMEN, AMEN, AMEN. I wish I could find a way to bury this post into every heart of every girl i know, no matter their age, stage, or struggle. absolutely beautiful, lauren. thank you.

Tiara said...

You are such an inspiration to me, Lauren, thank you. You have such wonderful things to share. The last year I have been reading posts by you and Max and you have both challenged me to really acknowledge my own story and to see its value. So thank you both for that.

I can't help but wonder how you came to this bold declaration: "This is a war for your heart, because there is nothing in all of existence that is more valuable to God than the heart of a man or woman." Is there anyone passage from the bible that says this? Is it a culmination of interpretations from personal study? Is it something you learned from personal experience?

Aimee said...

This was such a timely post. Thank you for spilling your heart. It's beautiful.

becomingjilly said...

This is the most powerful thing I have read in months. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Julia said...

This is stellar. I definitely teared up. I *really* needed this.

natalie said...

Lauren, I've shared your last two posts on facebook. Such good stuff. I know God is using you right now to reach so many people. I've been through everything you mentioned at the end of your post. I'm so grateful God is working through you right now to reach all of us who are hurting. I pray encouragement, support and blessings over all that you do! <3

apig said...

Wow, thank you.

Laura C said...

"I was the girl who couldn't.

And I am the girl that learned that Jesus could."

Absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart and reminding us that we are never alone.

Laurie said...

In a less religious vein - this post brilliantly sums up the first 3 steps of any 12 Step Program - Admit you are powerless. Admit you need help. Surrender to Higher Power who can help you.

It's nice to see that is being spoken about in the Christian world... which desperately needs to HEART know those steps.

All My Monkeys said...

Wow. Amazing.

While i don't binge or purge, porn's not my thing, I'm (no longer) having pre-marital sex, or experiencing a break-up, I am not dealing with depression or grief, and my overweight-ness doesn't determine my loveable-ness, we all have our stuff. Our struggles. The bottom line is... when we can't, Christ can. So very well spoken and thank you for the reminder. I was (almost) left speechless.

Anonymous said...

Dear Lauren,

Your writing means so much to me. Thank you especially for this latest post. I am thankful for the way that Christ is moving in your writing to present His love to us through yet another outlet. He is so faithful.

Blessings!
Christine

Katie G. said...

I've been reading your posts for a little while now and this one was perfect for what I needed to read today! I'm in college and sometimes it's so hard to even get up the courage to get out of bed and face the day, especially this past week.
I loved how you put this: "You need the heart-belief that your spirit was covered in dirt and pain before Christ himself fought the greatest war of all time to present your spirit before God as pure, complete, and wholly loved, even if you can't get out of bed."
Thank you!

saturated canary said...

i don't know how i ended up here this morning...just blog hoping around:)...but wowza woman. i love this post. i'm babysitting my niece and nephews right now...and have major tears in the eyes...(hope they don't notice;)...anyways.

thanks for the honest post. how refreshing to read an honest girl's words...about things we've all probably struggled with here and there in life. you have a beautiful soul. loved your about page too. it made me giggle.

nice meeting your blog today;). gonna plan a coffee date with it later tonight. when i don't risk my sister coming home to a teary-eyed babysitter:).

your sister in Christ.

k

www.saturatedcanary.blogspot.com

Louise said...

This is amazing. It finally helps me understand why I can't seem to change...how I struggle and struggle with the same sins that kill my soul. Thankyou for reminding me that I need to turn to God each time, not away.

Anonymous said...

morningoffering.blogspot.com

haylestales said...

"You need the heart-belief that God never forgot about you, and that there is a man who will love who you are more than he will love sleeping with you."

i know God won't ever leave or forsake me, but these days, i'm just having a real hard time believing that this 'man' you speak of exists. i'm being really honest here. thank you for your entry.

Miyah Faith said...

I was referred to your blog by a friend. I forwarded this post to my accountability group for girls who struggle with pornography/masturbation and a few other women friends.

Can I just say this is one of the most encouraging things I have ever read on the internet? Honestly, I want to print this and put it on my wall. Thank you for your words.

Hopefully, they bless many souls. <3

Meg said...

Oh, my heart. It is full. Thank you.

Christy said...

I want to leave you a comment to let you know that I am 1. blowing up your blog :) 2. sharing it on facebook like crazy and 3. absolutely speechless after reading this post. Literally, I have no words that even come close. So, I'll leave it at that :) Now, I'll read it again like (our precious friend Rachel McGowan sometimes says) a nap.

Elizabeth said...

Preach!

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