there is an ache that never goes away. never ever.
i used to think this was you refusing to heal me, refusing to comfort me.
refusing to be the god that i need you to be.
proof that you are not the god you say you are.
but now i see that it exists to bring me to you, in desperation.
because you knew how human i was. and am.
you knew that if you comforted me the way i asked, i would never come back to you.
thank you for the pain.
for having enough compassion on me to allow me to have my heart ripped apart so that i would be able to seek you and run to you.
not because i wanted you, but because i need you.
8 comments:
Hey.
I'm sorry that you're feeling pretty bad right now.
I hope you get through it really soon.
I can't really relate to your faith since I'm an atheist, but believe me, I have been feeling quite terrible lately myself.
It can't last forever. Don't give up on yourself and you'll get through this.
Thanks for the comment, Lauren. I just did my first LoveBomb yesterday. I'm so glad I got involved. By the way, love your writing. :)
That's really beautiful Lauren. I have experienced first hand this ache. It's so hard when you're going through it, but then you always come out a stronger believer with a deeper relationship with God. "He makes all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose."
beautiful blog!! found you through 20sb and i can't wait to follow your adventures. hope things are looking up, you truly have such a gift with words :)
love and agreement
Beautiful pictures, and I hope you are doing better girly.
lauren,
thank you. i fully believe that posts like these are what the blog world is for. if we showed each other more of our pain, our doubt, our need, our love, our faith, we will see that we are all human. and maybe that ache exists because we don't really belong here, we truly belong with Him.
love to all of you. i so appreciate it. <3
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