+ you are the father to the fatherless +

i don't pretend to be untouched. i don't pretend to be strong or stubborn. i don't even pretend to care more about myself than you. but i fear that silence equals the appearance of all these. i am a work in progress; a heart undergoing a great repair. i admit my frustration, my anger, my hurt, my pain, my disgust, and my disrespect. but i will also admit what sets us apart: my search for grace, forgiveness, change, and patience.

my sacrifice for you is my silence.

as a child, i learned that love is sacrifice. i also learned that we often do not understand the form that love takes, especially when done in sacrifice. so as i offer the deepest act of love that i can, i also know that you do not understand it. but it is my love, in it's truest form.

greater love has no man than to lay down his life for his friends. i lay down my life to find it - and in doing so, i become the living representation of my love for you. a misunderstood sacrifice, but existent and powerful nonetheless.

your acts of hostility do touch me, they expose my weaknesses and my indecisiveness; but above all, they give my the most treasured opportunity i desire: to express the immovable commitment i have to loving someone other than myself.

in light of this, i wait. i wait for your understanding of the sacrifice that begins with me, as an expression of my love for you, for them, and for Him. i hold his hand as i wait, and he waits with me. we wait together, in his timing, not mine.


~~~

be still before the lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their plans. - psalm 37.7

wait for the lord and keep his way. he will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it. - psalm 37:34

do not say, "i'll pay you back for this!" wait for the lord and he will deliver you. - proverbs 20:22

yet the lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. for the lord is a god of justice - blessed are all who wait for him! - isaiah 30:18

but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. - romans 8.25

therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait patiently till the lord comes. he will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. i cor 4.5

keep yourselves in god's love as you wait for the mercy of our lord jesus to bring you life. - jude 1.21