Tuesday, January 4, 2011

+ Your Jokes Suck: Why I Won't Date You. +

I've kept my mouth shut on this for a long time. But today, I'm pissed off enough to say something.

So here it is. Your jokes suck.

Sometimes I laugh at them, but they still suck. And I wish you'd stop.

Vulgarity and negativity are two things I do not appreciate. If you've ever wondered why I've peaced out so quickly, there's a good chance that one of these two things were the reason.

Here's the deal: Negative humor is humor that does harm, not good. And humor is supposed to be a good thing.

If you're filling your jokes with the f-bomb, tits, jews, blacks, blowjobs, fags, pubes, women in the kitchen, or any other topic that you haven't grown up enough yet to understand, you aren't funny.

Profanity and vulgarity are a cop-out. Let me say that once more. Your jokes are a cop-out.

It says to me that you don't have a real sense of humor. You have zero creativity.

Go read the definition of 'joke' in the dictionary. Notice in addition to 'something said or done for amusement,' it also says, 'a worthless thing or person.'

The subject of your joke is made worthless by your words.

Next time you crack a crude joke about sex, remember that you're subconsciously drilling it into your head (and everyone else around you) that women are worthless.

Next time you crack a joke about fags, ask yourself if you'd walk up to any human being and tell them to their face that they're worthless.

Guys, I'm looking primarily at you on this one, because it seems to be where most of it is coming from. Yeah, it's true that girls want guys with a sense of humor. That's one of the first things on all of our lists. But here's a secret: the women worth having are looking for men with good humor. Not negative humor. So step it up.

Girls, next time some guy cracks a joke about how a woman doesn't need a driver's license because it doesn't take a car to get between the kitchen in the bedroom, stand up for yourself and fight. If you laugh too, you're putting yourself down. We're allowing it. And I'm sick of it.

Oh, and girls? I'm not done with you yet. Quit joking that all men are assholes, or that the female race is superior. They're not, and we're not. You're making it worse for both of us.

There is an element of truth to all jokes, which arguably is what makes them so 'funny.' I challenge you to listen to yourself and to your friends, and pick out who or what is the brunt of your jokes. Go face yourself in the mirror and ask yourself some hard questions. Think about the truth that you are agreeing to, without realizing it.

The truth you believe is communicated through your jokes. Think I'm taking this too seriously? I'm not going to apologize for looking for a good man with a real sense of humor, who can make me laugh without the bite. And trust me, I'm looking.

Don't allow yourself to crack a joke if it's at someone else's expense. Hard, huh?

I know.

The good news is that negative humor is a habit. And habits are breakable. I did it. It was hard, but I did it.

Stop telling jokes that suck. You're hurting yourself, and a lot of other people.

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Dori the Giant said...

You have a really good point here.
Those negative jokes used to bother me a lot, but because everybody says rude jokes, I've become almost desensitized to them and haven't been standing up for myself.

I really am sick of women jokes! Somebody should gather up all the popular woman jokes and think of good comebacks. :)

For example, you know the joke that goes: "Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights!" That one always gets to me. What do I say to that??


laurennicolelove.com said...

Dori - How about, "Yeah that's true. Princesses don't get equal rights."

Dori the Giant said...

Haha! I like that.

Maybe even something like "Yeah, it is pretty funny how women are usually right!"

I think most women jokes are told because men just can't accept the fact that women are better in so many ways! Haha.

Anonymous said...

Yes!!! I hate that crap! I just wanna punch the guys lights out. So glad you wrote this!<3

vanessarose said...

Well said!

Michelle (michabella) said...

This is why I love you. :)

Anonymous said...

True. That's such a lame attempt at humor. Cleverness is SO much more attractive.

Unknown said...

so true.

BJJ said...

This is a great post! One that really really gets me is the "r-word"... I am such an advocate of not saying deragatory comments about people with disabilities. It has become so widespread and common and it's harmful to people.
It just kills me that meanness is covered up in jokes, and that's an awful thing!


brandon said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcLFmN7aJe0 ...What would you guys consider this type of humor?

Unknown said...

Preach it.

Anonymous said...

I super hate that all your blog has turned into is some "I'm the end all to be all of dating." I agree with most of what you've said here, but I'm really fed up with all the hate mongering you do toward men. I appreciate that you diverted from your actual point to make sure you're not being biased in this post, but its pretty obvious that you only did it to be fair. Not because you actually have any problem thinking men are assholes. Your other blog listing off reasons why you shouldn't date men was probably one of the most hurtful and painful things I've read from you. And then I went and browsed your twitter, hoping that thats not the type of person you really were and I see you telling some young girl that guys are all either "assholes or weak." How is that at all the image of the loving God you write about so often? How about working a little less on passing judgement on people and the things they talk about and focus a little more on the "truth" you seem to be pushing so hard on the young women who look to you for guidance.

Han said...

Are light bulb jokes okay? "How many *insert group* does it take to change a light bulb?" (btw I only know two one about blondes and the other about feminists)

Anyhoo. Okay so Dad jokes aren't funny they are cringe worthy but at least they are clean and repeatable.

Anonymous said...

love everyone. but don't date everyone.

wise words. thank you for focusing on the choices we have as individuals loved by an infinitely pursuing god.

kelly summers said...

i love it, as always. you're beautiful and strong and articulate and brave. i love you.

Vicki Fourie said...

I COMPLETELY agree with you! For me, it also applies to comedies on TV.

Sarah Heinss said...

Dear heavens, how are you so awesome?! I just stumbled onto your blog due to Max, who I just realized you are DATING. Awesome. He seems like quite a winner. Thanks for all your words, your honesty, and your encouragement for women! Keep writing.

Corey Jackson said...

This post is beyond annoying. Also, it sounds like you don't know how to relate to men. If a man ever made a "woman in the kitchen joke" to you, he was obviously just trying to get a rise out of you and make you laugh, which is called flirting. I agree with you about vulgarity, negativity, and meanness. For instance, it's easy to be negative, there's no art involved. But sometimes things are funny because they're wrong. Have you considered that these guys are aware of that?

Tara said...

Yes, yes, yes!!!!! Completely agree. I'm so tired of everywhere I go someone (and you're right, usually a guy) says a crude joke. It realy isn't funny. And it's even less funny when you're at church and someone is telling them. Great post! Keep writing! God bless:)

Anonymous said...

Jesus its called a JOKE! Slash something we can make light of, as a break from having to take EVERYTHING so seriously all the time!

I am not antifeminist or anti-gay, but I'll say what's on my mind, and people can choose to get "offended" or not.

Kayla said...

I absolutely could not even remain acquaintances with a person who cracked jokes like this all the time. The examples use here remind me of several friends of friends whom I child not stand, to the point that I would leave the spot we were at if they were on their way or just showed up.

I'm curious though, is it really due to the negativety and insulting nature of the jokes that you don't approve? Or is it that, coupled with the jokers ignorance and lack of individual creativity?

I ask because I myself have a very sarcastic, dry, witty and occasionally dirty sense of humor. I laugh until I cry at comics like Loui CK, who's jokes are incredibly offensive to certain people, but that fact has nothing to do with WHY I'm laughing - a key difference hee, I believe, compared to "women don't need to drive because they belong in the kitchen"
But even that message could be funny, if constructed in a much more sophisticated way! Like if coming from someone who's been poking fun at himself for being on unemployment for too long, or he's a proud "stay at home dad". Then if the topic of women driving cane up, and he were to bluntly say "women dont need a license, it doesn't take a car to get between the kitchen and the bedroom", it would be hilarious! I guess it's because the connotation is completely different, it's funny because of how ridiculously hypocritical and ignorant it would be for a person in his situation to really believe something like that. He's making fun of the person who actually thinks that way, not of the women. Also, it's creative because it's witty - a quick response to a discussion topic, abd that gets my respect whether I personally laugh or not.

Maybe you don't agree, and any kind of negative humor rubs you the wrong way. There's obviously nothing wrong with living a life free of that mental pollution. But I hope you can at least take the jokers personal perspective into consideration before grouping them all together as "assailed".

Kayla said...

Uugh, my stupid new tablet auto corrected a bunch of words in my comment above. I really should have previewed it! Hope it's legible, overall.

Anonymous said...

You say that you used to use sarcasm but no longer so. How did you break the habit?

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