Wednesday, December 21, 2011

One Of My Greatest Fears

I get scared, talking about my life sometimes. I get scared that people see a shadow of the truth in what I've done, in how I've chosen to live, and say, "I want exactly that."

I am scared that people will hear I've sold everything I owned this year to travel the country in a little car with a man - and decide that THAT is the best way to live.

I am terrified that girls hear the story of how I met my husband on Twitter - and start scouring the Internet for the perfect man who blogs, is wickedly clever, and wants to talk to them too, a pretty girl online.

I worry about sharing how I decided to drop out of college (temporarily) for a second time, and chose to leave my 9-5 job - not wanting for a moment for any woman to trample the sparks of opportunity she's been blessed to receive.

Yes, I have been inspired, moved, pushed, refined and bettered by listening closely to other women's stories; by observing other women's lives. Life gives birth to life. Fullness swells to create new fullness. Iron sharpens, truth speaks, love heals.

But please. Do not be tricked into attempting to replicate life in order to escape death. You are not a clone.

God is too creative with his daughters. The heavens plan and whisper and lay foundation for you, your life, your story.

My life has become more beautiful, my awe of God's work has increased beyond measure - as I hear story, after story, after story of women who live utterly opposite lives as that of mine. What a God we serve. No one could weave a story like Him.

Rarity increases value.

There is not a woman walking this earth who has an existence identical to yours.

And there is not a woman in the world who can fulfill the Creator's intricate, intentional plan for you.

By plan, I do not mean a clearly marked path in which you choose to walk daily until the day you die, with a pre-determined life-story utterly outside of your control.

By plan, I mean your birth, your childhood, your brokenness, your character, your personality, your hopes, your passions, your gifts [ trust me, they are there, whether you see them or not yet ], your body, your mind, your spirit - - - all of these things fall perfectly into place to make possible a life that could never be lived by another human being.

We do not serve a God who wastes resources.

You are not wasted.

We are beloved children of a God who treasures and counts carefully - who rejoices in indescribable pride - over the value of his sons and daughters.

And all these little things? Every detail, every heartbreak, every rush of joy, every word He has whispered to you in the dark places - they make you a resource that would break His heart to waste.

You are rare.

You are of value.

Where we see our worthlessness, He sees an entire life composed of endless spaces to fill with his overflowing Love.

"You were bought at a price. Do not become slaves of human beings." (I Corinthians 7:23)

Do not become the slave of another human being's life. Of another human being's story. Of their success, of their failure, of their talent, of their beauty, of their skill.

You were bought at a price.

"Live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to you, just as God has called you." (I Corinthians 7:17)

I am a believer. A believer in a furious love, a scandalous grace, and a God I do not understand.

I am a believer. A believer in a Savior who walks with me daily, who leads my feet to places only mine can go, and who holds your hand through a life that I could never live.

We are beautiful. Bought at a price. Claimed for freedom.

And asked to live as believers in the places that our Father has powerfully created for us.

21 comments:

meaganlinn said...

this is beautiful. thank you.

Not Hip Enough To Blog said...

I FREAKING love you. Not in a creepy way of course. ;) But slightly stalkerish this week, I must admit. Merry Christmas to you and your man!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

"Rarity increases value."

i love that.

Alex said...

Man do I need to hear this, thank you. It's good to remember. He made me to be ME, for a reason too. I forget sometimes, but now I can just read this and remember. Again, thank you. You have an incredible blog!

Stephanie said...

I was given the link to this post by friend. These were the words that I so desperately needed to read for so many reasons right now. Thank you.

Just me said...

YES!

Fabulous Sunshine said...

This is so beautiful Lauren...thank you. "God is too creative with his daughters" That was my 'sigh' moment :)

Jocelyn said...

I feel as though this thank you is a little bit late as I've been following your blog for almost a year now and you've inspired me multiple times over. I just want to thank you so much for sharing your experiences in doubt, joy, creativity, self worth and an abundance of other topics that have encouraged so many people around the world.

"Every detail, every heartbreak, every rush of joy, every word He has whispered to you in the dark places - they make you a resource that would break His heart to waste."

This thought particularly has encouraged me and I thank you for that..I thank God for using you to project His love, His faithfulness and His word throughout your blog. May your Christmas be filled with His great love and joy and may you be blessed as you continue to serve him wholeheartedly :)

Michelle (michabella) said...

This is beautiful! <3

Kiersten Johnson said...

What a beautiful;y written post. It is very much relevant for me right now. I am struggling with the life that I thought I had. My life has crumbled before my very own eyes and I have lost everything I had. But now I am ready to start anew. To let God take me where he wants which has already started with a move from Los Angeles, California to Hamilton, Montana. You are an amazing woman of God and am glad that I can call you my friend!!!

Angela Thomas said...

My thoughts are cloudy, emotions tangled, as I get two VERY contradictory things from this. You will be happy to know that this inspired me in all the ways you had intended, PLUS SOME!

The grace and passion that came from your writing allowed me to really grasp the meaning and appreciate its gift. I regret, however, that I am also grappled by a powerful ache. This ache has a voice and whispers, in a devilish tone, “You want that, but your life will never be that extraordinary.”

Your fear came true but don’t let this discourage you. I understand your message and gratefully welcome it; it is I who allows this ache to dampen my spirit. It is also I, who holds the power to make a change. I do have faith that He has written a beautiful story for me, so I must thank Him and remain the positive protagonist that desires me to be.

Thank you, Lauren. You’re simply wonderful. I not only admire that you use the gifts He gave you, but that you also share them.

leeleegirl4 said...

I am so glad to read this encouraging post. I sometimes feel upset when I compare myself to others and feel that I am coming up short. God does not make mistakes and He has a great plan for my life. Thanks for reminding me of how special each of our lives are

Carmen said...

Hi Lauren....I LOVE this post. Thanks for reminding me that each of our journeys are unique.

Merry Christmas Dubinskis,

<3
Carmen

What This Girl Learns said...

I love this line! "God is too creative with his daughters. The heavens plan and whisper and lay foundation for you, your life, your story."

joycenyy said...

thank you. :)

Anonymous said...

this reminds me of that funny clip on youtube where Matt Chandler talks about "fulfilling YOUR ministry"

:) thanks

april said...

This. Uh.. I ..i'm speechless, inspired, encouraged, always find hope in your words.

Stephanie said...

So beautifully written and so wonderfully true. Love This!

Andrea. said...

heh.. I don't comment on blogs very often as I often feel completely inadequate to describe in words what I'm thinking and feeling. But thank you so much for writing this. This post specifically has hit me in the season my heart is in, in the being single and longing to be a wife part, and I found this so refreshing. Seriously, like a cup of cool water refreshing, and minstered and spoke so very loudly to me. Thanks so much for your heart and your vulnerability, I need to see that. It makes me feel normal... :)

busana muslim said...

This is a great posting I have read. I like your article.

nick said...

gosh you write pretty.

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