Monday, September 19, 2011

Yesterday Is Dead & Tomorrow Is Not Yet Born

Sometimes, few words are best. I've been noticing that Jesus tells very short stories. I've been in a season of wanting to talk less, to listen more. It's a little bit of being tired, a little bit of burn out, and a lot of knowing that at the end of the day, you are just like me: A girl with a lot of problems, a lot of questions, and only one Savior.

I was going to write a long post about how I've been cutting things out of my life. How I left most of my artwork, clothes, and letters I've held onto for years back in Ohio last month. How I stood over a small fire in my back alley, watching years of court documents and condemning letters burn into ash before my eyes. I wanted to write about coming to terms with missing relationships in my life; ones I desperately want, but cannot have. About the pain that comes with little deaths, and the joy that stubbornly arrives the morning after. About the silly things: unfollowing, unsubscribing, and hemming in my heart in a way I never have. And to write about how I've learned to instantly toss out anything that reminds me of a past life; a woman who I used to be, but am no longer.

I wanted to tell you all to jealously protect the life you want to create; to share how I've chosen to let go of things, people, and memories. And how I wish someone had given me the strength to do it years ago.

But all I can write is that I now know the difference between yesterday and tomorrow. That I will never live in either of them. But that my place will forever stand right here, in the middle, called "Today."

Today, I have to decide if Jesus is enough for me. Today, I will learn to wrestle with the hope of heaven. Today, I will be content in not knowing the answers - and no longer being concerned that I do not know. Today, I will sit and hear stories of girls with broken pasts and broken hearts, desperate for love, and say, "I have found no answer other than Jesus."

Today I will choose to act on the truth I know, even when I do not understand it.

Today I will choose to trust in love that was proven by death on a cross, even when I don't feel it.

Today I will choose to believe that I was made beautiful, even when I cannot see it.

My yesterday is dead, and my tomorrow has not yet been born.

Today is the only day that is alive. And for the very first time, I am going to live it.

I am out of words, so I made this pretty little thing to remind us all that it's hard to slough off the past, but so worth it. Feel free to Pin it, tweet it, blog it, put it on your bathroom mirror, anything. Also, I just finished re-designing my new sister-in-law's blog, so you should take a peek & say hello to her.



What have you cut out of your life recently? What do you need to let go of? Do you need prayer for the courage to do so? I want to hear. Leave it in the comments.

12 comments:

bethanytwrites said...

Hey Lauren!

I recently found Max's blog through a friend, which soon led me to yours. The same friend also told me about deeperstory. As someone who loves to write it has been so interesting to see how this online community is formed and how God is using it. I love your blogposts and will keep reading- especially when I have work to put off :)

DawnSherie said...

I thank God for you. You have no idea the impact you and good women project is having on my life. I finally have answers ive been waiting for. Thank you for shareing, this rings true to me right now.

Anonymous said...

love it... very inspiring... thank you for your blog!!! facebook... Jeannette Cardenas

Laura Noelle said...

I love this: "how I've learned to instantly toss out anything that reminds me of a past life; a woman who I used to be, but am no longer." I too have been trying to get past the past and simplify my life. It is incredibly wonderful to throw away the pain of past relationships, people who hurt us and regretful memories to move forward into what God has called us to. It is not a simple process, but the journey is one of increasing freedom and satisfaction. Thank you for the inspirational words!

Callie said...

Once again Lauren, your post inspires me. God is working through you in ways you do not imagine, thank you for listening to Him and writing His truth. This post couldn't have come at a better time, this exactly what I was thinking last night: when am I going to start CHOOSING to live the life I want to live instead of constantly saying that I want to? We live in today. Time to start choosing Jesus, His love and His grace, the life I want to live and the woman I want to be.

Candice Jenee' said...

Thanks for this reminder! I especially love the line in your design: "I ache to be safe but I ache greater still to be ALIVE." Thank you for sharing this!

Anonymous said...

Lauren, you are such an inspiration. Thank you for your wisdom and words of encouragement. I feel like God speaks through you to me, because you always seem to write exactly what I need to hear on this blog and on GWP. You're amazing! Keep it up!

Brianna Sky said...

Such beauty in your words, but most importantly..truth.

Veronica said...

What a timely post for me to read. 4 days ago I burned 10 years worth of journals. I'm only 26, so that was a big chunk of my life so far. And those really "juicy" years too.

As I re-read my journals prior to burning them I cried. Laughed. Shook my head. Blushed. Cringed. Praised God for not leaving me in the pit I was in.

There were a lot of somewhat-smart things I wrote in those pages. A few nuggets of wisdom in amongst the ashes. I was hesitant to burn that, but I knew it all had to go.
Those pages held details of romances, past transgressions, hopes and dreams, doubts and fears that belonged to the girl I no longer am.

I've been married for 6 years now. I held onto these writings all that time...why? Maybe because they represented my independence? Maybe because as long as I had them, I wasn't 100% given to my husband - because, lets face it, that's a scary thing. Giving yourself entirely to someone is hard. If I had those journals, I still had something that was "just mine."

But the Lord convicted me. I am a new creation, the old is gone. So why keep a record of it? How can I truly accept my new identity if I hold onto things that represent my past?

So I watched it burn. It was cathartic but pretty anticlimactic. I don't know what I expected! Maybe to feel differently afterward? To have the heavens open and the angels sing? Instead I just felt....clean. Ready to face life unburdened and be the wife God has called me to be.

Yesterday is ashes. Today is all I have.

MCH said...

Hmmm, not sure I have to cut out anything in my life. It's more adding to it. Either way, change is happening and I am working hard at it. I love that tomorrow is not here, and yesterday is dead. So true.

So what I choose today is to have faith and rest in His presence, He will help me. I've not been working this year and just recently found out I have adrenal fatigue. All of a sudden everything makes sense, my up and down way of living, depression, the stress due to trauma and overworking myself.

But it's time... time to get back to work and time to have a schedule again. Going back to Photo Academy and getting back to work. This morning on my prayer walk i got scared as this schedule will start next week... oh my, will I be able to not forget to live? And living means: being able to be with me, to rejoice over me and in me, to have rest and be in God's peace (which means saying hi to the duck that comes on my dock every morning and witness the blessing of the heron who flies over my house every day.) Oh my, can I avoid getting back into a stressful life? And then I realized: I have to have faith, in me, in God. If anything He is holding my hand. I can put my faith in Him today... for tomorrow. Letting go...

Oh, and I wonder about your story Lauren. I just found your blog a few weeks ago and you share some stuff here that I'd like to read more about. It's just that is has this familiar ring to it, court documents and all. Is there anywhere where I can read your story?

Amelia said...

I like your picture. I put it as my computer background. Thank you for your inspiring words, Lauren. <3

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