Friday, February 27, 2009

+ why i haven't existed in the blog world for awhile +

[ 1 ] I’ve had both moral and organizational issues with blogging over the last 12 -18 months. Explanation: I used to keep an array of different sorts of physical journals, as well as a couple blogs for different topics, the notes on Facebook, blogs on Myspace, and various other methods of getmyselfoutthere. It stressed me out. In an attempt to simplify my life and force my internal self to adhere to a single outlook on life (that second part right there was the moral part), I over-corrected and for the past year have only written in one solitary journal. This has helped my multiple personalities greatly, but has resulted in a tragic loss of motivation to write. Consequently, I have paid an enormous price in lack of inspiration (I despise that word, but unfortunately it fits) to paint, as writing is the predecessor for any of my art worth mentioning.

That being said…

a) I feel much better. Better = sorted out, justified, at peace with myself.
b) This blog will not be dedicated to my “smart thoughts”, my “deep thoughts,” my rants, my daily what-I-did-today thoughts, or any one particular thing. I am a person and I talk about different things different days.

[ 2 ] Blogging creeps me out. I feel like I’m talking to no one, semi-hoping and semi-dreading that someone somewhere will read this, meanwhile never knowing if anyone anywhere does. I envision myself talking to a wall. Lame. Yep, I said it. In fact, I feel like it's admitting that I talk to a wall because I have nothing better to do. I also always think Mr. Internet Surfer will stumble across a blog and think, “Why is she bothering telling anybody this? Does she think anybody cares? Get off the computer and get a life.” But, then I realize I read other peoples stuff, and I care. So, maybe you are reading it, and maybe you care.

That being said…

a) I feel much better. Better = released from the stereotyped blogger, less creeped out.
b) This blog is for me, not for you. But you can still read it :]
c) I do have better things to do, but I choose to write, because "better things" are painting, understanding a love bigger than myself, having the time of my life, and learning more about me. And writing is how I do those better things.


noumbrellas said...

bless your sharing.

kelly said...

yay you're back! i would check here every now and then to see if maybe you snuck a post in or something.
i miss your thoughts :)

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