I wanted to title this post, "5 Top Reasons I Need My Husband" - but I couldn't bring myself to do it. These are the 3 highly sensitive camps I would have offended in but seven words:
1. The "rah rah women" crowd
2. The "yeah we get it, you're married now please stop talking about it" crowd
3. The "I thought you said we were complete without a man" crowd
I would just like to admit right here that I am both highly sensitive and also actively participate in all three crowds. I do realize that I've been writing about marriage lately in the same way that babies hijack a woman's life and cause all her friends to only speak with her when they're prepared to handle a conversation about "the poops! They were so small and dry."
(This is an actual line from Sunday's conversation, and those words actually came out of the husband's mouth. In reference, I might add, to SOMEONE ELSE'S baby. Not even his.) This all kind of really sucks for me because I'm now stuck between rock and a hard place. I can either talk about how awesome marriage is, and make single people feel bad. OR, I can talk about how terrible marriage is, and make single people feel better. All I can really do is say,
"rest assured, marriage is both awesome and terrible. Just like your single life."
I also wasn't prepared to be in this place, because my marriage was highly unexpected. (Yes. So
very unexpected. I had fully embraced the barely-married-by-30 plan.)
Anyway, a lot of people seem to get very confused whenever I post pro-men things, because it seems to imply that I'm being anti-women. Like I'm betraying my own kind by cheering for the enemy.
But holy crap! How did men get to be the enemy! I know when. When he left your mother. When he left you. When Hollywood started building every single movie, show and poster off of
"women are so capable and men just can't even pour their own milk into a bowl of cereal so har har har let's all laugh at him trying to feed himself without a woman to hold the spoon!" This makes me super sad. And really angry. And kinda depressed. So, I'm going to write 5 Top Reasons I Love/Need Men/My Husband.
Because I think men are awesome, and the better they are, the better we are, and the faster we can get onto having a great life together and stop beating the shit out of one another with the "who's the asshole/who's the crazy bitch!" game.
1. My husband keeps me grounded. No, he's not emotionally dead inside. In fact, he's the one who reminds me to process my own emotions. He's also a witness to my daily life, and gives me a second objective perspective to what's really going on. And he reminds me that
hisemotions are just as important as mine - because we're two very real, very human beings. Sharing life. Give them the benefit of the doubt and you'll realize men are pretty great at having a solid grip on reality, and having emotional responses to it.
2. My husband is extremely helpful. It turns out my husband is fully capable of cooking all his own meals. I remember growing up as a child thinking that men sincerely were missing a special combination of cells that enabled them put together edible food. Max makes awesome breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert. He's just as equipped as I am in the kitchen, if not more.
And he does the dishes. And cleans the house. And the car. And is really great at it. 3. My husband is not clothing-challenged. On top of having a fantastic sense of style, he helps ME shop. He appreciates an awesome article of clothing that I get excited about (and no I'm not just talking about lingerie, silly, I'm talking about boots and jackets and things) and it's SO GREAT. I don't have to get him dressed, I don't have to help him match his pants to his shoes, and he isn't "sloppy just cause he's a man." It bums me out that we beat the "girls go shopping while the men watch football!" stereotype to death and back. Sure, girl time and man time is priceless and needed - but
men like to shop too,
and we like to hang out with you on Sunday afternoons. I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that my husband is a genuine friend of mine.
4. My husband understands. I'm so tired of seeing a group of women laughing about something and a retarded-looking male in the background. Sure, my husband might not supernaturally "get" every single thought that skips through my brain, but good lord, I don't telepathically "get" every thought he has either. I'm so used to explaining myself and signing off with, "but I get that you don't understand," and having him remind me that he
does understand.
Men have real feelings and have been through legitimate life experiences. Men have a past. And when any human being loves you a lot and spends the majority of their life with you, they
really do begin to understand you - regardless of their gender.
5. My husband prioritizes my life. This is a weird thing to say, but I'm going with it. I've learned in 6 short months that men aren't the ones that have to be dragged around by women who have prioritized their relationships above everything else, and are desperately trying to "get the men on board." Men aren't "just" concerned with their hobbies. Men seriously love us. It's my husband that initiated marriage counseling, my husband who helped me set healthy boundaries with people in my life, and my husband who reminds me what my potential is
and then helps me achieve it. There we have it. Take my husband out of this blog post, and I just want to say that
men are fully capable of being grounded, emotionally present, helpful, fun, understanding, caring, responsible and are good at being in relationships. And really, they're needed.
(I also will be publishing a Part Two for this. Because I have at least 5 more reasons.)
