Sunday, April 25, 2010

+ ice cream! +

It's about time I dedicate a post to Jeni's. Unfortunately, this little gourmet ice cream shop is only a couple blocks down from me, so I visit way too often. Today, I had to shoot around for a school photo assignment and decided to throw some up for you all to see!



















I've been slowing down a lot lately, and trying to do more things that I genuinely love to do, and I'm already feeling much better. Hooray. :)

I feel strange posting about my life on here, because I don't really know who all is reading. Can everyone stop by via comment and introduce yourselves?

XOXO

Saturday, April 24, 2010

+ my new babies! +

I HAVE AN UNREASONABLE LOVE FOR BABY PLANTS.

YES. This morning I went on the hunt for a handful of herbs to put in my windowsills. I miss gardening ohsomuch, and have no room to do so here, but indoor herbs I can manage. I've been doing my best to support local businesses recently, so I resisted the urge to default to Home Depot or Lowes, and went down the street to the ConcreteJungle in the Short North. Found my lovely thyme, lavendar, mint, oregano and rosemary and brought them home!




Dug up some cute little pot-alternatives on my weekly thrifting trip, and love them.







Also, last night I went to Wonderland with Krista. What an awesome place. I'm kind of loving Columbus this week. Shhh don't tell. :)

SO HAPPY.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

+ the postal service. +

I have been developing a renewed love for the postal service. First, because Recycled Air by The Postal Service has been one of my favorite songs for six years now - I even put it on Tumblr so you can listen to it here. Secondly, my darling friend Lauren sends me the most incredible letters and packages. They are all amazingly unique, and you can check out her blog, Letters, She Wrote. Today, I came home to find this little adorable thing waiting for me, with a little canvas bag inside of it:









This new love for the postal service has also resulted in my Free Prints Wednesday project. I've only shouted about it on twitter and my tumblr so far, but will probably stick a little note in here on Wednesdays from now on. So yes, be warned. If you want a free print mailed to you, pay attention to me on Wednesdays! The first 5 people to email their snail mail address to me, after my ready-set-go, get the print. :)

Monday, April 19, 2010

+ seattle. +



this week so far:

- signed up for couch surfing
- decided to move to seattle
- realized that american's can't merge
- had a brain mri
- learned that i really enjoy ultrasounds
- also learned that doctors are useless
- realized i treat god like a boss and not a friend
- fallen in love with sunlight, again
- established a love/hate relationship with chanel
- started looking for jobs in seattle (do you live there?)
- sworn my undying love to goodwill
- hated my brain for persistently overthinking

Monday, April 12, 2010

+ remembering. +

When I was twelve, my friend had a slumber party birthday. Best friends, silly girls, sweet girls. I was shy, and worked hard to get along with the other girls. Anna was my friend, that was all I needed. I didn't understand the other girls. Cornfields, puppy, tire swing. After the day in the sun, we set up a spa in the basement to paint our nails. I was again unsettled, nervous; I'd never painted my nails. We soon discovered that I was the best. I finally fit in! All the little hands waited til I could paint their nails the best. For my own nails, I turned down every color given to me, until they got to pink. Daddy only liked pink. Pink is for ladies, I'd heard him tell my mom. Little girl pride, excitement, novelty.

A bit later, mom and dad picked me up. I wasn't allowed to spend the night; they didn't know all the other little girls. Still bubbling, I slid happily into the backseat. My hands folded in my lap, I smiled into the window at my reflection. Lauren Nicole. Yes?! Let me see your hands. Fear, panic, anxiety. I held my hands out, shaking, to show off my stubby hot pink nails with my special 'glitter dots.' Lauren. Terror. The minute you get home you will go to the bathroom and take off that horrible nail polish. But... No, Lauren. It's trashy. You are not allowed to paint your nails. I will not go to church in the morning with a daughter who looks like that. Disappointment, hurt, shame. My pretty pink color was trashy. I was trashy. Daddy didn't think I was pretty. Daddy didn't want me to have fun with all the other girls. Daddy didn't want to be seen with me. Those girls...they were trashy. Too grown up for their age. I wanted to be pretty, but pretty was wrong. Those girls were wrong. I was different, again. I wasn't allowed to fit in, again. Just me, like no one but myself, again. Plain hands, again. I cried myself to sleep.

Ten years later.

Lauren Nicole. Fear, panic, anxiety. You are miserable because you haven't repented for when you've dishonored your parents. You are the wrong type of girl. You aren't the girl your father is proud of. Disappointment, hurt, shame.Your father has never hurt you, ever. You're wrong. He's always loved you. Your father has never treated you badly. This is all your fault. It's always been my fault. Don't expect a birthday card for the fifth year in a row. You don't deserve it. You were the one that hurt your father, not the other way around. No! I was hurt! Lauren, your father won't be seen with you, ever. I'm the wrong type of girl.




Note: I've had two or three people ask me if it's wrong to post publicly about family issues. I want to say I'm aware of this concern, and I've wrestled with it in prayer. What I write is from the depths of my heart, and as a girl who is fighting to learn to finally speak these things, I've found a new 'letting go' and freedom in honesty of being open with past hurts. Despite everything, I love my parents very much. But this is me, my life, struggling to piece things together for myself. The encouragement I receive from all of you helps me in incredible amounts. Thank you for listening, understanding, and loving. xoxo

Saturday, April 10, 2010

+ movement. girl: sold. +



spindly legs
just like the spokes
uphill
down
so much up
so much down

freckles, spindles
long and lean
clean
so much clean
so much clean

just like that
no just like this
blue
so much blue
always, always blue

eight miles
two thousand and eight miles
two thousand and five, miles
miles
so much coming
so much going

spindles sold
spindly sold
sold
not enough girl
too much, girl

girl: sold.



Thursday, April 8, 2010

+ this week. +

things that have amazed me this week:


+ how beautiful the rain is when it hits pavement, at midnight.
+ the depth and intensity of old pain; how present it still is.
+ how badly i want a dog...something to love on.
+ shannon leith & how much i admire her & her photos
+ how little close friends actually know me
+ my shortcomings in every field of interest
+ my impatience
+ how difficult being 22 is
+ the lack of a mother
+ jealousy of girls that have mothers
+ how every doctor visit results in two more
+ how frequently i feel left out
+ my sudden ability to eat three meals a day this week
+ my aptitude to think, feel & act like a five year old
+ how much i love this picture

Saturday, April 3, 2010

+ light. +



GUESS WHAT?!



I changed my major back to art. Finally. And I'm sticking with it. I'm sorry for all the delays in posting. :( But, below is a photo I snapped today while shooting around for a photography project. Yes, a photography class. My first one ever.

The weather is bright and warm and all my problems are solved. It's amazing how much differently I see my life once the sun comes out. Everything is re-aligning. Beautiful, beautiful.



P.S. I got a bicycle! A cute little Schwinn. I'll post soon.

P.P.S. Never write about a place until you're away from it, because that gives you perspective. [ Ernest Hemingway ]