Thursday, April 30, 2009

+ from other writers +

the future remains a mystery
so i'll smile and believe
that within the unknown 
lies joy and peace

oh lord with you there is peace
and joy beyond bounds,
a smile that captures hearts
and a love that won't let go.

rescue me, sweep me up
from the dirt and the grime
left there in the openness

it permeates my being
i can't escape its stench 
why do we try to Be
when we only end up dying

laugh? really? i'm tired of that
i look for love. i find unstoppable tears
am i wrong? the cow bell home is ringing
but I run the other direction
are my senses dulled? my discretion altered?

love me is my plea
fight for me
and fight off the evil around me
it hurts.

make me genuinely happy
make my smile fake no longer
make my laughter bring truth not lies


- - -

i have the best best friends. :)

- - -

A Regret Forgotten

My thoughts follow the pattern of my feet. One after the other, calm and slow—simply leading me in their own direction. I linger in that stillness between the here and now and fond reminiscence. I smile as the sun shines down on me; I can tell it’s just begging me to take my jacket off. Summer hangs on the sun’s rays like a delicate trapeze artist, floating and flying through the air; but autumn races in under the cool breeze and a leaf crunches occasionally underfoot. The crisp smell of the tea I hold warms my heart more than my hands, and I welcome the comfort it brings. As I wander, I think to myself, “This is it; life, in its simplicity, can’t get better.”

I come to a crossroads, but there’s only enough time for one path. They both look enticing: one calls to me with its towering, beautiful trees, the other with its wild, unpredictable, twists and turns. I am caught between beauty and adventure—between appreciating is, and appreciating what could be. I wish I had the time for both, but I must choose one. Beauty, or adventure? Will I relax and enjoy Creation, or will I race forward with blessed imagination as my guide?

I turn back, with a sigh. My true fault is that I am afraid to choose—I cannot choose between beauty and adventure. It would be unfair…and what if I chose wrong? I would never know what the other held for me. So, in my fear, I turn. I settle for what I have and choose to not reach for more. Now every day I will live with my regret.

- anonymous writer submission on the dustjacketproject.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

+ you are loved day+

so, i'm a huge fan of loving people. but, i want to remove myself from the picture, and be able to give love, without it coming from "lauren nicole."

so, you are loved days have been born.

follow on twitter to keep track of events, ideas, and who all is participating. and to participate. :]

events: will be held both regularly and at random.
bring: at least 25 little scraps of paper with "you are loved" scrawled on them.
we will: be handing out and hiding these little slips of paper!
expect: to experience the high that comes with loving and needing no return.
you are free: to be creative, or to be simple. or both.

> > if you don't live in columbus, i encourage you to start one in your own city, and do this with us!

> > we will frequently meet for half an hour beforehand to write our little notes together, meet one another, and have a good time. date, time and location will be announced on twitter!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

+ sabotage +

i am not safe to speak.
my lips do not yet know my heart.
i sabotage myself.
perhaps you truly cannot fight
to be at peace.

do you not know?
i am one great experiment.
if you hear ink and not lead
i will stop speaking,

-lauren nicole

Monday, April 27, 2009

+ therapy +

thank you for digging around on my blog. :) if you are looking for substance, click through the "writing" and "observation" labels to read what i write. it's what i love most, and where my heart is, but i try not to be overwhelming.

you can find my website here:

- - -

every so often, i force myself to write these obnoxious little social-networking prompted autobiographies in order to face what exactly it is that makes up lauren nicole. i've found it's also a very good way to see what was on the front of my mind at different points in my life. so, here goes.

- - -

My name is Lauren Nicole. I was almost Madison, but my parents didn’t like the nicknames. According to my birth certificate I was born 22 years ago. But most days, I either act six, 16 or 26. I love way too easily, and way too hard. I can’t handle when people make self-deprecating comments. The only reason I am still a functioning human being is because of an outrageous grace and an unconditional love. If I care about you, I will do everything within my power to show you these things. I care about everyone. I tend to either over simplify, or over complicate. I’m still learning how to grow up. I expect a lot from myself, and usually nothing from anyone else. I stand up for everyone. If you cry, I cry. My heart is way too big. I haven’t gained a pound since I was 16. My brother and I share clothes. I hate negative humor; if it’s at someone else’s expense, it’s not funny. The keys to my heart are as follows: single flowers, little doodles and drawings, hand-written notes, little tiny things, French vintage jewelry, anything from Anthropologie, and being taken places I’ve never been. I’m good at a whole lot of things, and not really great at anything. I am an ADD perfectionist. I am not from Ohio. I am an early riser and a night owl. I am a firm believer in honesty. I am always biting off way more than I can chew. I take walks, and want you to come with me. In the summer, I live outside. I hate cold. I am not a favorites person, but my favorite place in the world is the Lux in Phoenix, Arizona. I do too much, and doing less is on my to do list. There is nothing you can ask me that I won’t tell you. I would die for any of my siblings. I make mistakes a lot. I want to know everything you’re scared of, and everything that hurts. I’m a color addict. I’m 50/50 in every category on every personality test I’ve ever taken. I like my music loud. Really, really, really loud. My interests will probably confuse you. I insist on seeing the best in everyone, even when it bites me in the butt. I believe in pda. I’m pretty much a different person every three months, because I tend to change very quickly. I put 100% of my heart into everything I do. Its dangerous, but the only way to do it. I’m a big sister, and you can tell. I’m not a feminist, but if you put girls down, we aren’t friends. My parents don’t know anything about me, and today that hurts. I’m working really hard on being right here, right now. Sometimes when life wears me out, I pretend that you can trust boys. If you want to know anything else, you should probably have coffee, tea, or a smoothie with me.

- - -

i pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have the power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

eph. 3.17-19

- - -

this is why i am okay with the fact that the love i believe in does not make sense, and is not fair.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

+ a study on brokenness, part one +

We are objects of the greatest pain, yet insist on muting our heart-wrenching cries. We do not voice our plea for comfort, we do not implore for consolation, we do not beg for solace. It is numbing, debilitating, and disabling, and we stubbornly march on, idiotically expecting the cracks and tears to hold water, and the shattered bones and hearts to hold our weight.

We call ourselves a broken people, yet do we understand what we are admitting to? I cannot help but experience it unceasingly, yet I seldom comprehend the depths of brokenness. More often than not, I admit to being broken as an excuse for not being whole, instead of as a despairing confession of utter helplessness and paralyzing hurt. I readily call myself broken; anyone who has seen the past few years of my life knows I couldn’t be anything but this. Every once in awhile, those that catch glimpses of my heart in its rawness will witness a rightly warranted desperation; this offers undeniable proof of my true state, even if against my will.

We all cry out, and we all admit to our brokenness, yet I find that we still deny just how absolute and vindicating the state of being broken truly is. We are still uneasy to justify acting out of brokenness; so hesitant to allow ourselves to believe that our mistakes and emotional instability are compassionately acquitted by the intensity of brokenness. We almost comically attempt to mitigate the severity of brokenness, not realizing that broken is broken. Simply put, I can come to terms with being broken yet I persistantly expect myself to act out of wholeness.

In light of all this, my hypothesis: we do not accurately grasp the totality of Broken.

- - -

Bro⋅ken [broh-kuhn]

1. Reduced to fragments.
2. Ruptured; torn; fractured.
3. Not functioning properly; out of working order.
4. Incomplete.
5. Weakened in strength, spirit.
6. Lacerated; wounded.
7. Reduced.
8. Forcibly destroyed.
9. Spoken in a halting or fragmentary manner, as under emotional strain.
10. Disunited; divided.
11. Rough; irregular.
12. Ruined; bankrupt.
13. Smashed, split, or divided into parts violently.
14. Ignored.
15. Dissolved or annulled.
16. Destroyed regularity, continuity, or arrangement.
17. Having had a part stolen or removed.
18. Disabled; destroyed.
19. Overcome or worn down in spirit or strength.
20. Caused to yield under extreme pressure or torture.
21. Impaired; weakened.
22. Trained away from the natural state.
23. Shattered.
24. Ended ubruptly.
25. Inoperative; malfunctioned.
26. Detached; separated; disassociated.
27. Overwhelmed.
28. Value dropped sharply and considerably.
29. Collapsed; breakdown.
30. Severed prematurely.
31. Crushed.
32. Ripped; torn; halved.
33. Forcibly separated into pieces; pierced.
34. Flawed.
35. To give up.
36. Rendered useless.
37. Failed; unusable; of no value or worth.
38. Split into lesser parts.
39. Weak.
40. Helpless.

+ different +

all i ever wanted was to breathe, and to have steady hands.

i am losing.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

+ sunday +

I'm tired of trying to sum up myself in declarative statements. I cannot sum myself up. The only thing I can say about who I am is that I am in love with God and want desperately to be loved."

- lydiakind

- - -

this song changes me everytime i listen to it. go listen.

come close, listen to the story
about a love, more faithful than the morning
the father gave his only son, just to save us

the earth was shaking in the dark
all creation felt the father's broken heart
tears were filling heaven's eyes
the day that true love died
the day that true love died

when blood and water hit the ground
walls we couldn't move came crashing down
we were free and made alive
the day that true love died

the day that true love died

search your heart, you know you can't deny it
come on, lose your life just so you can find it
the father gave his only son just to save us.

- - -

i have seen a part of my god's heart that i have not seen or understood until today.

compassion and love are a weight too heavy for me to bear.

i cannot fathom the depths of hurt i or his children have caused.

praise, eternal

because he carries what i cannot.

- - -

Saturday, April 18, 2009

+ love everyone +

- lauren nicole

Thursday, April 16, 2009

+ excitement +

[ click to view large! ]

- - -

favorite things today:

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

+ ramone the squirrel +

this is dedicated to bailey, and her missing squirrel, ramone. :] i told her i would paint ramone for her, in remembrance of the poor baby squirrel that she had to let loose into the wild. aw. we've decided to believe in happy endings.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

+ forward +

when the morning sun breaks, it brings a forced rememberance. all is new.
colors, details, shapes and shadows disappear, making way for only the whites and yellows, blending everything together. yesterday's eyes, pathetic. the piercing warmth casts forgiving rays that soften and blind the outlines of our harsh reality and the mistakes it contains. yesterday has ended. the consuming, all-captivating strength of our sun is our salvation. the source of light commands our gaze. in it's wake, all else is insignificant and unworthy even of thought. we can and will see nothing else except that which is before us, for we are now blinded by light. praise, eternal. - lauren nicole.

Monday, April 13, 2009

+ pick it and stick with it +

i wish i was given a designated color palette for life. or at least one palette per year. i get excited, over-zealous, and distracted and switch mental palettes too fast; nothing ends up matching. i need to pick one palette for 2009, and master it.

- - -

things i love today.

cosas minimas. by blanca gomez.

julia kuo.
from julia: "When I was young, I was so addicted to drawing that my brother would exploit me by selling me copy paper for 3 dollars a sheet. Now he is an economist and I am a starving artist. I also wonder how I had the money to buy such expensive drawing paper."

samantha hahn.

sofia arnold &

yoko furusho.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

+ how i feel --> styrafoam cups +

i didn't realize it until afterward, that my absent minded doodles were very much in line with my thoughts on optimism and hopes. sorry for the dreadful photo. i haven't had breakfast yet, and i got three hours of sleep, and i pretty much don't care. :]

- - -

i'm off to attempt three photoshoots and a few coffee dates with good, good old friends.

- - -

three photos from the precious baby shoot on thursday:

Friday, April 10, 2009

+ today, this is what my heart looks like. +

thin lines
airy, glassy, free
hello, my name is delicate

cold white
stick figures, oops!

bubbles, move
stop, go.
hello, my name is fragile.

tiny, sweet
hush, lace, twirl

light, tears, pale
hello, my name is brittle.

shh, careful, please.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

+ for the other lauren nicole +

i'm not going to give a background story...just trust me that i owe lauren nicole scott a list of the current contents in my bag, haha. enjoy!

lumocolor pens
cell phone
three sets of keys
power adapter for my macbook
daily planner
juxtapox april 2009 magazine
several flyers for random shows
three double a batteries
about eighteen thousand receipts and deposit slips
polkadot stationery
campus/gateway coupons
a letter that hasn’t made it to the mailbox
unknown number of pens and writing utensils
movie ticket stubs
loganpalooza showcase ticket stub
tea bags (hah cool…)
a pissed-off letter i wrote to god
voided check
lavender oil
purple sharpie
CF card
cell phone charger

yeah...i should work on that...

- - -

this week's portraits.

bailey a. harmon

clay howard

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

+ let me out +

- - -

i've been sitting here for an hour and a half trying to determine what is so horribly wrong with me.

i found the word: stifled.

secondary words: colorless. bland. expected. stationary. mechanistic.

- - -

so cute i can't handle it.

- - -

if i fill my head with beautiful things, maybe they'll come back out of my fingertips.

- - -

i decided i needed a present, and bought myself new staedtler lumocolor pens. i'm not terribly sure i love them yet. the ink is heavy. but, i know i do not dislike them; i cannot dislike anything that produces color. :]

i'm feeling the need for a sabbatical again...can someone take me back to the west coast to people-watch for a few days? i won't make a sound. i'll just sit on the curb with my tea and sketchbook. i am starving for people that make me stare at them. again, will you please make me stare at you? i'm begging. [ run in the front like you said - i'm sad i'll miss it send it back in photographs - and i could use a vacation myself - my eyes are bored -DEARANDTHEHEADLIGHTS ]

Monday, April 6, 2009

+ rant +

for some reason, i strongly dislike live music photography. i love going (although i wish i was invisible), i love shooting there and i love giving bands some better live shots. looking at the end results though? really gets to me for some reason.

i think if i were a guy, i'd be okay with it. i'm not okay with being "that girl."

it's very possible that the music industry is one of the most sexist and non-female-friendly (very appreciated, though)groups out there. if i am wrong, tell me.

- - -

- - -

i need some extra space and time. anyone have any for sale?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

+ give and take +

i am defined by what i love, not what loves me back.

- - -

this is the only thing keeping my head above water today.

- - -

i miss flowers, a lot.

- - -

update at 4:27pm: this article just fixed my entire day. for quite possibly the first time in my life, i am appreciated as a girl.